Dear Viewer,
Although licking foundations sounds like something right out of Victorian era erotica, that is apparently not what he had in mind. Nor was he lamenting Disney's treatment of the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

The Congressman was referring to the prospect of gay or lesbian marriage. Now that Congress has passed the offensively titled "Defense of Marriage" bill enshrining homophobia in the national statutes, "flames of political expediency" are licking at the foundations of the White House - the President will sign it.

Dear Kropotkin,
Speaking of pornography, what ever happened to Long Dong Silver, star of the porn film that Clarence Thomas wanted to watch with Anita Hill?
Film Buff, Durham

Dear Buff(?),
Clarence Thomas' greatest hero (an honor shared with the man who has truly redefined obscenity - Antonin Scalia) has, since the Anita Hill confirmation hearings, faded into obscurity. Long Dong's efforts to leverage his post-hearings popularity into a job as spokesman for Coke were unsuccessful. Since then, persistent rumors that Long Dong has landed a "high profile" position in the inner recesses of the Supreme Court remain unconfirmed.

Dear Kropotkin,
Speaking of Disney, what's up with the Southern Baptists boycott of the Magic Kingdom?
Mouseketeer, Raleigh

Dear Mouse,
The Southern Baptists are upset that Disney offers spousal
benefits to gay and lesbian partners. Their boycott demands include:
maximum discrimination against gays and lesbians, a baptismal immersion for Mickey Mouse, trousers for the Duck family, and an answer to the time-honored question: "if Pluto is a dog, then what's Goofy?"

Their boycott however is having little impact. For Southern
Baptists the best thing after throwing your money away on a shyster
minister is to throw it away on a good theme park with kitschy souvenirs.

("Kropotkin" refuses to reveal whether he is inspired by Peter Kropotkin, the Russian anarchist prince, or by Kropotkin the Village Idiot, a character in the Woody Allen film "Love & Death," or if it makes any difference.)